Firstly, an apology.
The Director’s Diaries have been conspicuous by their absence recently. Summer has always been our busiest period, but summer 2026 appears to have interpreted that as a personal challenge.
Things that have been in short supply over the past month include REM sleep, Whoop recoveries above 50%, evenings that finish before 10pm, and apparently the ability to sit down long enough to write one of these.
I’m writing this looking at five brand-new, industrial-strength pickleball nets currently occupying my office. They’re the permanent heavy-duty ones, which, for reasons that still aren’t entirely clear, have become my responsibility to transport to Parson’s Green.
So, before I become a part-time delivery driver, here’s what’s been happening.
“You need... another survey?”
If I had to summarise the past month in one word, it would be surveys.
Not pickleball. Not coaching. Not exciting new venue. Surveys.
More specifically, environmental surveys.
As most of you know, Parson’s Green is tantalisingly close. The flooring is ready to go... just as soon as the council signs off the final environmental reports. There may need to be a membrane installed beneath the flooring, which is perfectly reasonable.
What I wasn’t expecting was the email that arrived last week. For those of you who’ve spoken to us recently, you’ll probably be thinking, “Didn’t you already submit all the surveys?”
Excellent memory.
Yes, we did. Unfortunately, we have now discovered there are apparently... more surveys. Including—and I promise I haven’t made this up—an Urban Greening Factor (UGF) Report.
Now, unless I’ve misunderstood the planning regulations, we’re opening a pickleball club, not reclaiming the Amazon rainforest. The report, we’re told, should demonstrate how we’ll minimise carbon emissions and provide an appropriate level of landscaping and urban greening. I spent a good five minutes staring at that sentence trying to work out whether they expected us to install a small woodland behind Court 3.
Perhaps ivy growing up the kitchen wall? A family of hedgehogs? Maybe every third dink should be played using sustainably sourced bamboo paddles.
Whatever the answer, our planning consultants have been brilliant. Every time the council asks for another document, they somehow produce it at remarkable speed and lob it straight back over the net. The challenge is that once the ball is back with the council, their statutory response time can be anything from four to twelve weeks.
Which means every time someone asks, “So... when exactly are you opening?”
I continue to give the least satisfying answer in business.
“Soon.”
It’s somewhere between an estimate, a prediction and a hostage negotiation. Thankfully, almost everyone we’ve spoken to has responded with stories of their own planning adventures involving loft conversions, kitchen extensions or garages that mysteriously became impossible to build because of a bat spotted in 1998.
Misery really does love company.
“You’ll be the first club app in Europe with that DUPR functionality”
The mood improved considerably during a call with Luca.
“You’ll be the first club app in Europe with this DUPR functionality.”
That wasn’t me saying it.
It was someone from the DUPR software team after Luca had walked them through a feature he’s been building into our club app.
Members will soon be able to see their DUPR rating directly inside the app, track how it’s changing, compare it with previous months and generally become mildly obsessed with numbers that didn’t exist a few years ago.
We’ve also built a live club leaderboard showing the current top ten players, alongside a “Most Improved” table.
Which is excellent motivation. Unless you’re currently sitting eleventh.
It’s useful for the coaching team too. Before an Open Play session even starts, coaches can quickly see everyone’s ratings and organise courts that are genuinely competitive, rather than discovering halfway through that Dave has accidentally wandered into a beginners’ game and is winning 11-0 without breaking sweat.
Apparently only a handful of clubs in America have implemented anything similar, and none in Europe.
Small feature. Big difference.
I proudly announced to Luca that this was another example of how “small wins become big wins.”
He looked at me for a second before replying:
“You’ve definitely been listening to too much David Goggins.”
He’s probably right.
“Paris has been an absolute blast”
A few days earlier, Jon and I found ourselves saying goodbye to sixteen KPC members outside a hotel in Paris.
We’d travelled over for a long weekend to play Paris Pickleball, the city’s largest club.
We won.
You’ve probably already seen enough videos on social media, so I won’t relive every point. What I will say is that the trip exceeded every expectation. It turns out mixing pickleball, good food and a city break is quite an effective formula. Who knew?
Evenings that started as “just a quick team dinner” somehow evolved into negroni drinking sessions or World Cup watching together while debating whether the French had invented better croissants than they had lobs.
Tom remained deeply disappointed by the hotel’s gym facilities.
The rest of us solved the problem by consuming approximately our own bodyweight in pastries.
Luca somehow ended up sleeping on the floor of the hotel room.
There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation. Just not for right now.
Needless to say, we’ve already been challenged by a club in Athens for October. So the European tour continues. If any other club fancies taking on the mighty KPC, our passport collection is growing nicely.
“Ask Louis Theroux if he fancies a game.”
No sooner had we unpacked than two of our coaches were off to Olympia for Xerocon.
The organisers had decided that what every accounting conference really needed was... a pickleball court.
Honestly? Excellent decision.
Between keynote speeches and software demonstrations, hundreds of delegates wandered over to have a go, many insisting beforehand that they’d “probably be terrible.” Most weren’t. Some definitely were. That’s half the fun.
One of the speakers happened to be Louis Theroux. As it turns out, he’s not only very good at making documentaries but can also hold his own with a paddle. It’s a surprisingly transferable skill.
Jon now does a Louis Theroux impression that is alarmingly accurate. Whether Louis himself would agree remains to be seen.
Looking ahead...
The next few weeks aren’t getting any quieter.
We’ve got corporate summer events galore, more open days introducing new players to the sport, Parson’s Green inching ever closer, and a couple of genuinely exciting announcements that we’re still contractually obliged to pretend don’t exist.
Until next time, enjoy the sunshine, play well, and if anyone asks you to complete an Urban Greening Factor Report before your next kitchen renovation...
...apparently that’s perfectly normal.
KPC